Monday 10 December 2012

Mars, the Red Sea, HIV, Cancer, and Imagination and the Human Mind



So, what's happened? Living organisms have been found on Mars? So what? That's already been known! People already knew that! Water had already been found on Mars, too! The government of the world has been hiding these secrets. The world is behind on intelligence by about 3.4 years. That's been calculated.

Australia's also gotten a red sea. So is that how it happened? Was Moses' "blood" ocean, in fact, algae turning the water red? Food for thought, salty water for thought.

HIV is being harnessed and reprogrammed to kill cancer cells instead of the cells that it usually wants to kill. Apparently it worked on a girl's leukemia. That's actually pretty smart ey. That's actually really smart. Usually HIV targets cells that are responsible for our immune system, and so a person's immune system is a wreck so every little disease that would've been cured in a jiffy just compounds in disastrous significance, leading to AIDS. Instead, the HIV is eating cancer cells. That's awesome. So awesome. Using an enemy to destroy an enemy. Humanity is so manipulative.

Which leads me to my final hypothesis: Everything that humanity imagines has a similarity, a likeness, within the human body. Within the mechanisms and functions of the human body or mind. Ex: cancer cells to zombies. Nodes of Ranvier to telephone poles. Get my drift? If we can't make anything from nothing, then where does imagination come from? Not everything that we imagine comes from nature and innovations. So what if our mind subconsciously knows how the entire body works? What if that's where we all got our imagination from? What if that's how we got computers and technology? From the subconscious knowledge within our minds...


Tuesday 6 November 2012

How to be Funny Without Being a Douche



1. When ridiculing/bashing, don't just ridicule or bash. That's just being mean. You have to imply how it's funny, and then have some empathy. Try to get something clever out of it. Actually, ridiculing yourself makes people like you more, and the more they like you the more they find you funny. But don't ridicule yourself to the point that it just seems like you have low esteem, because no one likes a whiner.

2. When telling an anecdote, don't go on and on detailing small things that don't matter. Say the bare minimum without taking away from the joke, and be succinct with your words. No backtracking, no stumbling your words, no tangent or ramble. Just say the joke and make your words glide smoothly.

3. If you're pretending to be annoyed and angry, don't actually be annoyed or angry. Break out of the act at points, allow some breathing space.

4. Ignore the first three points, because they're all pretty stupid anyway. If you see someone being absolutely stupid, you can say that: "hah! I saw this stupid lady cross the road but she left her kid on the other side and he was crying and in order to get back to the other side she had to, like, there was this traffic light thing you see? And first she had to...."

Yeah by then no one is listening to you anymore. 

Sunday 4 November 2012

How to Find Things to Do

It is common knowledge that people who don't have anything they need to do can, at times, become lethargic and braindea- I mean, can become a little lazy and amount to not knowing what else they can possibly do with all this spare time. Perhaps you're on holidays from schooling and are rich enough to not work (or sick enough, or too lazy, or incapable of getting a job no matter how hard you try). Perhaps you have just finished all the episodes of Doctor Who or Supernatural or Game of Thrones and have already looked through all of Tumblr for every meme possible and had previously finished every other series out there that you are interested (including American, UK, and Asian dramas/cartoon/animes, as well as a few talent/singing shows). What to do?

It is another universally accepted truth that when you really do have things you absolutely need to do - say for example, do your taxes or study for four upcoming final exams that may be worth half your final assessment - suddenly, there is a plethora of things you can do! Tidy your room, do all the washing for a week, ahhh nature is beautiful is it not? Oh what about this YouTube channel - over 1000 videos of VlogBrothers? Sure! I can do that at this very moment! Friends want to take a nice stroll down to the lake? Yes! NOW is the BEST time for that!

What you need to do, is to write down everything you want to do when you feel like procrastinating, and refer back to it when you have nothing to do. That way you are procrastinating a little bit, but you haven't completely moved on to a new activity. And when you are done, you have a list of things to do!

If that doesn't work, then here's the deal: you have nothing to do because you don't feel like doing the things you can do? Dare: I dare you to learn how to do a cartwheel. If you already know how to do this, then I dare you to draw the first thing that comes to mind when you see this picture, and then read a little about infrasound:




When one is busy, one is not doing nothing. When one is not doing nothing, one cannot be without something. When one is without something however, one must try to attain something in order to not do nothing and therefore be busy. Because when one is busy, one is on track. When one is on track, one can attack, like the wonderful beans of a laughing Jack.

Monday 21 May 2012

How to Add Fractions



Say you have two fractions and you want to add them. How to go about this?

The question: 1/4 + 2/3

1. Look at the denominator, the number on the bottom of the fraction. These need to be the same number in order for a fraction to add. 4 and 3 aren't the same, so how to change the fraction so they are?

2. Find the Lowest Common Multiple. The LCM is the smallest (same) number that the 4 and 3 can make by multiplying. So, multiples of 4 are: 4, 8, 12, 16, 20...   Multiples of 3 are 3, 6, 9, 12, 15...   the first multiple that the 3 and 4 have in common is 12, so we have to change the denominator to 12.

3. Change the denominator by multiplying. Also, remember that since this is a fraction, what you do to the bottom, you have to do the same to the top to keep the ratio the same. So there's 1/4. You want to multiply the 4 by 3 to get 12. Do the same to the top, so 1x3 is 3. Final answer: 3/12. Now do the same to the 2/3. To get 12 on the bottom, you'll need to multiply the top and bottom by 4. So it becomes 8/12.

4. Now you have 3/12 + 8/12. The denominator is the same, so you can freely add the top numbers. 3+8= 11. The denominator stays the same. So the final answer is 11/12.


*Note: If you wanted to subtract fractions, you do exactly the same steps, except on step 4 you simply subtract the top two numbers instead of adding. So 3/12 - 8/12 would be -5/12 (negative because 3-8 is negative... if the equation was switched around to be 2/3 - 1/4, which then becomes 8/12 - 3/12, you would have 5/12 for an answer).



Multiplying and Dividing are a bit different.

Say you have 1/4 x 2/3
Don't care about the denominators, simply multiply straight across - so the top numbers multiply to become 1x2=2 and the bottom numbers: 4x3=12. So it's 2/12. Then you must reduce this number by dividing both by the Highest Common Factor. To find this, look at the numbers that make each number when you multiply them: to get 2, you can only multiple 1 with 2. To get 12, you can multiply 1 with 12, 2 with 6, and 3 with 4. The highest common factor is 2, so divide the top and bottom numbers (of 2/12) by 2: 2 divided by 2 = 1. 12 divided by 2 = 6. Answer: 1/6. Once you can no longer go any lower, you have your final answer.

Dividing has just one more step: you must flip one fraction over, and change the dividing sign to a multiplying sign. So if you start off with 1/4 divided by 2/3, it becomes 1/4 multiplied by 3/2. Then you simply multiply across: 1x3= 3, 4x2= 8, final answer: 3/8. This answer can't be reduced because the Higher Common Factor for 3 and 8 is 1, and dividing by 1 gives the same answer all the time.







Any questions?

Saturday 18 February 2012

A Good Man is Hard to Find by Flannery O'Connor (Essay)



The main storyline in the literary work "A Good Man Is Hard to Find" (1953) by Flannery O'Connor seems to revolve around 'Grandmother', who is never actually given a name throughout the story, but whose character is the one most developed throughout it. Through her obtrusive bickering, her nostalgic flashbacks to "better times", her need to know all, and the way in which she tries to control situations in an almost-but-not-quite-subtle way, one can tell that though Grandmother's character is complicated, it can still be summed up as tenacious and strong willed, but at the same time willing to do what comes naturally, with an appreciation for fineness and the ability to think ahead for herself. In other words, she has a selfish desire to live the way she wants and thinks herself superior enough to do so. With his use of speech and what seems to be some random actions of grandmother, the author creates for us an old-fashioned and proper 'lady' of a bygone era of America. He wants us to realize from this woman character that selfishness will never lead to good. These types of women, or maybe selfish people in general, are possessive, compulsive, and hypocritical, and are also people who will inherently try to do what's best for themselves, which inevitably has an outward appearance of doing what's best for the people they surround themselves with. Grandmother represents all this and more in her representation of change, which is shown in her final acts, as she appears to change from a selfish old lady to one that'd risk her final breaths trying to give some mercy to a confused and evil man, instead of begging him for mercy. Because of this, her otherwise almost clichéd character transforms into something with more depth, sincerity and maybe regret. The author, by using grandmother's character in this way, shows us that maybe people can change even in their later years; that selfishness can be overcome even after it has been ingrained in a character for almost an entire lifetime.
 
Grandmother believes she knows what is best for her children - in this case, her only son and his wife - and grandchildren, just like many other grandmothers in the world. She also needs to know what they're doing, where they're going, and then imposes on them what she thinks should be done, whether they want her opinion or not. This can be seen all throughout the narrative, and from the first sentence, where she has set in her mind that she believed it would be best for herself and her son's family to head to Tennessee instead of Florida. However, the reason she gives herself for wanting to go to Tennessee is different from the one she tells her son. In her mind, she wants to go to visit some "connections" she has there. To her son, she tells him to read a newspaper article about a man called "The Misfit" who'd broken out of jail and was on the run in Florida. Her other argument is directed to the two children (that are old enough to talk); to them she says that they've been to Florida before, and need to see "different parts of the world". But no one in the family really listens to grandmother, and she is often and easily dismissed, as shown when the family heads to Florida despite grandmother's efforts. From this, one can surmise that grandmother has some wishes she wants fulfilled for herself and will try her best in order to get it, which is somewhat selfish since she is trying to drag along an entire family with her. However, if she is unsuccessful in reaching her goal, she will most certainly do the 'next best thing', and make the most of it on her own terms. These two characteristics - the stalwart tenacity she keeps until the end of her fight, and then the quick progression into humoring the 'inevitable' next step in life in her own way - are shown early in the story and seems to give a mild foreshadowing to her ultimate demise. 
 
Another habit of grandmother's that helps form her personality is her word choices, and the way in which she words her opinions and thoughts on a matter. Again in the first line, she uses the word "connections" instead of friends or acquaintances, and this gives the effect that she is doing some sort of important business in Tennessee, rather than visiting people she knew. In this way she can feel more superior and thus her actions that would lead her to Tennessee will be justified, in that her work is more important than whatever the rest of the family will be doing in Florida. This process of justification shows that she might have a little bit of conscience to begin with, even if she is overall, selfish, because people without a conscience wouldn't need to justify their actions. 
 
She also calls the African-America child they see on the road a 'pickaninny' (and refers to another one in her story to the children as a 'nigger'), which is often used in a degrading way. However, she describes him as cute and believes that the child standing there looking somewhat destitute would make a wonderful painting. This contributes to the fact that she was probably raised as a young 'lady' who was proper and learnt to paint and be kind hearted to all things, the way a proper woman should be. And yet, because she believes it'd make a nice painting instead of thinking about helping the poor child, the author shows that grandmother most likely shared the same attitude towards African Americans as others in her era - that is, they weren't in the same class as white people, or they weren't in actuality, people at all. This shows how she is still nice only outwardly, and underscores her selfishness as well, because by painting such a sad and 'humane' picture of a poor boy, she would receive the sympathy and praise of others like herself. Her reference to "common blood" as she talks to the Misfit also emphasize her acknowledgement of class systems and that she ranks herself as upper class.
 
Also, when she is asked by her grandson where the plantation was after passing the graveyard, she replied with "Gone with the Wind" and a laugh. This leads the reader to believe she is either well read, or in tune with the popular culture of her era, which underlines her belief that she ranked high in society because she was a well-to-do woman with a fine upbringing. Her laugh leads the reader to believe she doesn't expect the children to know what she was referring to, thus enhancing her obvious superiority over the younger generation. The author probably made the reference to the book Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell because the location of both the stories are the same (Atlanta, Georgia) and also to refer to the way that the old way of life had disappeared, which is what grandmother often thinks about. 
 
Grandmother often digresses back to thoughts of "her time" when everything was better. This proves that she believes her time of youth and adventure is, in fact, over, which may be the reason why she so clings to her only son's life. Grandmother also tells her grandchildren a story of her 'maiden' days, when rich gentlemen would court her, and this could be another reason why she feels superior to others. 
 
Actions during the entirety of the story emphasize more of her character. Wearing 'proper' clothing for a road trip so that if she died, others would know she was a 'lady'. This showed her need to be recognized in society as upper class. Taking the cat when she didn't need to, and when she knew her son, Bailey, wouldn't want it, also showed her need for everything to be her way. When the author shifts the story from a sour road trip to a bad accident, she still thinks about herself instead of wondering whether the others are okay, and this attitude continues to when the Misfit arrives and she doesn't ask him to spare the lives of her family. However, another shift occurs during her discourse with the Misfit, as they talk about Jesus raising the dead. In this moment she goes from trying to plead and talk him out of shooting her to saying: "Why you're one of my babies. You're one of my own children!" which could have a biblical reference, and then she reaches out to touch him before being shot. This sudden change in character could mean that she had finally realized that it had been her own fault that they'd ended up in this predicament and had then tried to be a good Christian lady at the end of her life, to make up for her bad deeds. Or it could have been because she still wanted to live her life and would do anything to achieve that goal. However, the Misfit's words seem to agree with the latter, when he says: "She would of been a good woman...if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life." meaning that she had only been a good woman in those last few seconds of her life, just before she got shot. This could then mean that the gesture she'd extended to the Misfit had been one of mercy and compassion, which is what she probably thought Jesus would have done to help the criminal.
 
In conclusion, the character, Grandmother, is one of egocentricity and one of a will to live and die on her own terms. The author, by creating such a character, argues that although humanity is plagued by evils at different levels -- from a child being rude, to a grandmother being selfish, to three men murdering people -- there is still hope that at some point in life, people can become better, even if it is at the bittersweet gates of death.

Thursday 9 February 2012

How to Sound Smart


We call it "the Art of Sounding Smart" or A.S.S. for short. Thing is, you want to sound smart to impress a colleague or friend or future wife. But you're not really that smart. Or so you think.

The very fact that you've come to this page is reason enough to believe you're smart. Why? Because you've realised that you don't need to know everything to sound smart. You just need to be able to sound like it, correct?

Well here's 6 examples and ideas we've put together on how people sound smart:

1. Hounding in on a word
Take an ordinary sentence, for example, your friend says, "Isn't it weird that some people choose not to be normal?" Now, you can nod your head and agree to whatever your friend says, or you can pretend to be smart by saying, "Ah but what is the definition of the word normal? Who the heck came up with this arbitrary term? What does it really mean?" and so on. So it looks like you have an opinion, where in fact you're just hounding on the term.


2. Quotes
It's very good to have a nice arsenal of quotes that can be used in any circumstance, where you can just quote the quote and nod your head solemnly. Usually people also nod their heads with you, because most people don't memorise quotes. If you come across one that does, then counter their response with another quote from another source. For example:

Them: Yeah and I was like, heck no! There's no way that that can ever happen! What are you talking about? Haha
You (not really knowing what to say): Well, as Victor Hugo once said, "Cities, like forests, have their retreats in which the most evil and fearful of their denizens lurk in hiding... a cave is better than a city slum."
Them: Omg I love Victor Hugo! Especially when he says "Almost all our desires, when examined, contain something too shameful to reveal." Man that quote is my philosophy!
You (had no idea what Victor Hugo was): Yes, as Charles Finn once said, "I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying.  Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying."
Them: Ahh yeah... who's Charles Finn?
You: A great philosopher. You should read his books, they're quite marvelous. About how man became man. Such greatness! Such greatness...
Them (completely impressed and feeling out-of-depth): Uhm.. yeah okay yeah good idea..

[*Note: btw, see what other techniques I used in that one? 1. bluffing. 2. repetition "how man became man" -that's not saying anything is it? also the such greatness such greatness. sounds cool.]  


3. Using archaic or "upper-class" diction
And by that I mean, using old or big words. For example:

"I don't know what to write anymore! This is bullshit I hate life!"
...can be re-written as...
"Alas! Words no longer come to mind and there is no sustenance to my thoughts. What can a man do? Life has pushed me away, so I too, push Life away from me!"

which leads to...


4. Metaphors and Similes
As well as extended metaphors, called conceit. These things make you sound so freakin smart. A simile is when you liken one thing to another, for example "Your smile is like a sunshine on a cloudy day." A metaphor is when you say one thing IS the other, for example "Your smiles are the essence of my being." A conceit is just when you continue using the same metaphor for a long time, but that's for professionals. Anyways, here's another example for daily life usages:

"Damn I hate you so bad, you're so annoying! Go away!"
...can be re-written as...
"Your presence makes me suffocate on my own bile, and my blood boils like an inferno has risen from the pit of my stomach; how vile you are to me! You're a rabid dog that ought to be thrown to the hyenas!"
 

5.Personification
This one makes you seem smart enough to be a philosopher. Simply put, all you have to do is try to sound posh and make uncountable nouns or concept words into proper nouns and talk to them. For example:
"I hate life. I wish I could die. There's no use in living. What's the point? What are we here for?"
...can be re-written as...
"Life, how you make me bitter! Come closer to me Death! What has Mind given us that Heart has yearned for so long? Who will answer the call of Purpose, while she lives on in Earth?"


6. Rhetorical Questions
These are the most obnoxious questions there are. We've already utilised them in previous examples, but here are some really ass-whooping rhetorical questions that you can say with a smirk, or a "knowing" smile:

"Ah but what is a rhetorical question? You don't have to answer that."
"It's like asking, 'is it possible to cry under water?'"
"Can't you tell the difference between my lies and my truths?" (wink and smile)






Well there's 6 different ways for ya! Don't try them on someone who's smarter than you. There are quite a few more ways of sounding smart on paper but we couldn't list them all here. Do you have other ways of sounding smart? 

Sometimes you sound very smart if you pop in a word in another language oui?

How To Drink a Bottle of Water


Concerning only the above pictured types of bottles.

1. Open the lid. This usually involves turning said lid counter-clockwise (lefty loosy!)
2. Bring bottle carefully to mouth. Try not to do it too quickly, in danger of spillage.
3. You can drink 2 ways:
     a. bring your upper lip to the half way point of the circle opening, and place your lower lip on the outer ridge of said opening and sip/swallow. This allows air to pass through the bottle and so the sides won't get suctioned and you don't have to pause that much. Problem: it may spill over on to your face if you're not careful enough.
     b. place both lips on the outer ridges (no face spillage!) but leave a tiny gap between your top lip and the outside of the water hole for air passage. The water will come out somewhat violently with many bubbles, but this is normal. This technique is especially useful for the very-thirsty, must-gulp-drink-very-quickly-now types.
4. After the whole swallowing business, you may replace the bottle cap on top of the bottle and close it by turning it clockwise (righty tighty!)
5. If however, your fire hadn't been put out, forget step 4 for now and do steps 2-3 again, with breathing pauses in between sips.

Hope this helped!

Hydration and H20 are very serious matters. People die from thirst quicker than they do from hunger. Even if the only water at hand is warm and not very appealing, drink it! It may save your life.

How To Improve Memory



A lot of us have trouble remembering just what we did this morning. Here are some easy steps to making your ability to trudge up the past that much easier.

1. Keep a journal.
Maybe women have better recall because they kept Dear Diaries when they were younger. The thing is, the more you remember, the better you get at it. So people, write a few lines, a paragraph - just anything - every night detailing some of the things that happened to you that day. It's tricky at first (you may sit there scratching your head wondering "what on earth did I do today?") but after just a couple days you'll be recalling the stuff you did in no time. Try making a habit of it. Manly men - you do it too! Great adventurers and scientists kept journals outlining their day-to-day activities in the past as well.

2. Memorise.
Huh? Well you see, the more you memorise, the better you get at it. Brains don't overload like computers. In fact, the more you use your brain, the better functioning it gets. So memorise things - if you're of the religious type, memorize your holy books or scripts. If not then memorise a play, or some famous quotes, or addresses, phone numbers, or even the whole damned dictionary. You never know when these come in handy, and when you can sprout out some intelligent flowery stuff in the middle of a conversation, you know your friends are actually secretly impressed.

3. Scan over.
And by that I mean look through what you need to know a few times. This is more for the people who need to learn something - say for a test or a job - and there's info in need to be stored in your massive brain. Don't pour over it just before the test - that'll muddle the information and you'll do quite poorly. Instead, just look over the info one or twice a day and sleep on it. Do that for a few days and your brain will have had the necessary time to make it all sink in.

So there's three ways for you to try to get your brains working! I personally do the keep a journal one. How about you? Is there a secret personal way you keep your brain healthy and remember things that others find so hard to recall?

Numero Uno


1. Know thyself
2. Know your enemy
3. Master the arts of your particular trade
4. Become a Bullshit Artist

We will harness the skills of literature to become an example of profoundness - of making orgasms with diction and creating rhythm with heartbeats. Irony will be the sharp edged sword of power, and as the lightning strikes the Sinai, we too, shall strike the eyes of despairing souls. We will light the flaming candle with a burn.

Amen.